Life According to Me

While on vacation(in the United States) I saw these products on the shelves of a local store. They now reside in my medicine cabinet...because they are awesome . Because green snot from a pissed off gorilla to style your hair is a great idea. I don't know WTF a Hongo is, but I definitely got some of this in the event of a Hongo attack. Always be prepared, I say.

"If you dont' have anything nice to say..." Glad that's over. Moral: If you're gonna STFU for a very long time, you better have learned something good like- The grass is pretty freaking rad on this side of the fence. OR...Mean people are sad little pieces of dung who will get eaten first in a Zombie attack. OR...Too many Margaritas in the afternoon sun will definitely get you wastey pants...and/or pregnant. Silence is golden? Not anymore...

I've been lying about my age... to my 8 year old. It began so innocently, like any good old fashioned deception...   Three years ago, on my birthday, Kid Two asked me how old I was. I told him to guess. I know...that was really taking a risk, because if he had said fifty-three I would have locked myself in my room with a magnum of wine and a straw and ugly cried. He didn't even have to think. "Thirty".  I was actually thirty-six, so I was all flattered and everything. He was 5 at the time, so the fact that I like, "believed" he knew what he was talking about says a lot about how lame I am. Here's where I get even lamer(That is a real word according to Urban Dictionary)... I totally told him he was right . And then I hugged him and he became my favorite child. My 40th(it really hurt to type that) will have its way with me in 5 months. Mark and my well meaning family have been talking about it in the presence of myself(like I died already or something)...