Self Check
"Excuse me, the self check is open. You don't have to wait." She tries to coax me.
"Oh. Thank you. I'm good here. I like waiting." The anxiety is setting in.
"Nobody likes to wait?! Here...." Now she's pulling my cart to the self check. "There ya go."
Yessssss. Thank you Captain Helpful.
Crap. Suddenly I don't know what language I speak, and the voice from the machine says I've placed an unauthorized item in the bagging area. What?! I haven't even begun?! And what the hell do I do with an apple....I'm looking up codes. Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, Gala....Ahhhh HA... Fuji. I feel triumphant! Time to pay. There are 37 and a half choices. Credit, Debit, Debit with cash back, Check, Cash only, Debit and cash combined, Your first born child, Monopoly money....
By the time I'm done, I'm sweating. I keep my receipt out because I'm certain they think I've smuggled some dryer sheets in without paying. I make it past Captain Helpful, who sadistically cheerfully waves goodbye.
Okaaaaay, now.....where did I park?
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