Murphy's Law In Mommiedom
And so it goes, in the Land of Mommiedom
You get on the phone with a friend who's 3,000 miles away.
The kids will behave like Lord Of The Flies.
Savages.
Your hands are wrist deep, mashing up meatloaf.
Someone will ask you to open a band-aid.
The last load of Sunday laundry is folded and put away.
A wad of P.E. clothes will appear on top of the hamper. Needed tomorrow at the crack of coffee.
You finally make time for a pedicure.
Hope they have a belt sander. It's been a while.
Your phone will ring and it's school. A child who belongs to you has thrown up the entire contents of his stomach.
You've just spent two hours scrubbing floors, Cinderella style.
Someone will parade through with dirt laden cleats.
Oh, Fairy Godmother? Where the heck are you?!
It's 11pm and you finally put your sleepy self in bed.
Someone will tap quietly on the bedroom door and ask, "Do we have purple duct tape and pipe cleaners?"
Sure. This is Bed Bath and Beyond. Didn't you see the sign above the door?
You finally get rid of the box of legos in a garage sale.
BUH-bye. They have tiny little pieces and make kids cry when they fall apart.
Someone will ask, "Where's the box of Legos?"
You will get behind a tractor, catch every red light and a train when your late to soccer practice.
On the rare occasion you are early, you will hit every green light.
Monday through Friday you'll need a sonic boom and a forklift to wake the kids.
Saturday, 6am.
Standing in your room...the kids, wondering what's for breakfast.
This is a cruel, cosmic joke.
Your hair appointment day is here!
You'll get a coffee, bring some extra trashtastic magazines and sit for two straight hours...alone.
On this very day, someone will wake up with 103.7 fever.
Buzz kill.
You've mastered your Mother in law's spanish rice. You invite her for dinner to show off your skillzzzz.
Not only do you burn the rice to the bottom of the pan, you set the pan on fire.
Perfect.
You get on the phone with a friend who's 3,000 miles away.
The kids will behave like Lord Of The Flies.
Savages.
Your hands are wrist deep, mashing up meatloaf.
Someone will ask you to open a band-aid.
The last load of Sunday laundry is folded and put away.
A wad of P.E. clothes will appear on top of the hamper. Needed tomorrow at the crack of coffee.
You finally make time for a pedicure.
Hope they have a belt sander. It's been a while.
Your phone will ring and it's school. A child who belongs to you has thrown up the entire contents of his stomach.
You've just spent two hours scrubbing floors, Cinderella style.
Someone will parade through with dirt laden cleats.
Oh, Fairy Godmother? Where the heck are you?!
It's 11pm and you finally put your sleepy self in bed.
Someone will tap quietly on the bedroom door and ask, "Do we have purple duct tape and pipe cleaners?"
Sure. This is Bed Bath and Beyond. Didn't you see the sign above the door?
You finally get rid of the box of legos in a garage sale.
BUH-bye. They have tiny little pieces and make kids cry when they fall apart.
Someone will ask, "Where's the box of Legos?"
You will get behind a tractor, catch every red light and a train when your late to soccer practice.
On the rare occasion you are early, you will hit every green light.
Monday through Friday you'll need a sonic boom and a forklift to wake the kids.
Saturday, 6am.
Standing in your room...the kids, wondering what's for breakfast.
This is a cruel, cosmic joke.
Your hair appointment day is here!
You'll get a coffee, bring some extra trashtastic magazines and sit for two straight hours...alone.
On this very day, someone will wake up with 103.7 fever.
Buzz kill.
You've mastered your Mother in law's spanish rice. You invite her for dinner to show off your skillzzzz.
Not only do you burn the rice to the bottom of the pan, you set the pan on fire.
Perfect.
Comments
If this were printed on thin, thin paper, I'd would be scripture.
Green light to the gyno?
Someday I may blog about the worst gyno appt ever.
I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't my own life.
Keep on keepin' on!