The Drive Of Shame

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I'm always so glad to know I'm not the only Mom who sometimes feels like she fell down the rabbit hole.
I love to hear my friends crazy stories from the front lines of Mommiedom. Nothing like a great big laugh from your gut to make your day.
Occasionally I re-tell their stories here, but I always ask permission with a promise never to divulge names.
Here's "Yours".
Thanks for making me laugh so hard I snorted.

Mom walks into a mall with two young children in tow. The youngest is two. Its springtime and they are there to visit the Easter Bunny.
The line is 5 Chinese dragons long.
l o n g.
They wait one hour.

This is Mom's first attempt with her Kid Two at the hallowed Easter Bunny tradition.
It's their turn.
At this point, Mom is dreaming of getting wasted away again in Margaritaville.
She plops, a now screaming Kid Two on Mr. EB's lap.
She apologizes to Mr. EB.
She tries to reposition Kid two.
Kid Two is now crying so passionately she has triggered her gag reflex.
She throws up all over the front of Mom.....
and on The Easter Bunny.
A unison of evil stares and groans from the Chinese Dragon line.

Mom "walk of shame's it" past the line of grumpy kids and extra grumpy Mom's.
In the parking garage she finds her brand new station wagon.
Not wanting to soil the new interior, she peels off her barf-O-fabulous top.....

And drives home in her bra.
The Drive of shame.

Oh....and no photo with the Easter Bunny.
The End.

Comments

Unknown said…
That was a horrid story, funny as hell but horrid !
6/26/2010
Kekepania said…
OMG Whoever this is I can't believe you drove home in your bra! Fan f-ing tabulous! You are my hero! There will be no barf in the new car!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!
6/26/2010
Jenn said…
Horrid, Alison, right??! ;-)
So horrid it made me snort laugh! hee hee.
Love IT!
She has so many delicious tales of mommiedom, she needs her own blog. Not unlike you, Keke...;-)

You all inspire me! xoxoxo
6/26/2010
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