Life According to Me

Announcement from the back seat... "Hey Mom...look. Fruit snack NINJA !"

Dear Mother Nature, As a fellow "Mother", I know life is crazy. Being everything to everyone...keeping all those balls in the air is a challenge! I will get straight to the point. It's fall. Autumn. You know that time of year when we wear sweaters and say "brrrrrr". It was 80 degrees today!? Summer was like so 3 months ago! Maybe you forgot or didn't get the memo, in that case I apologize for the snarky tone. Please consider my humble request... turn down the furnace and blow a little chill this way. Thanks in advance, Hot and Bothered in Cali.

The kids were really into to election night results. We watched, together, as history was made. After the speeches we went outside to celebrate a new President with some sparklers.  It seemed benign. Who ever thought handing a child a flaming torch was a good idea needs a lobotomy. Kid Two, of course, burned his finger on the freaking thing. After some tears and a baggie frozen peas he came up with this one... "There Was A Boy Who Burned His Finger On a Sparkler... Fire ! Who wants to buy that book? Let's buy that book,  Okay ?!" I feel proud and concerned at his ridiculous outburst. He is definitely my child...

Dear, Dissapointed in Beverly Hills, This one's for you! xo J ; -) Rain ?! No stinkin' rain was going to ruin our quest for candy! With Noah suited up as Boba Fett (inflatable jet pack even!) we hit the streets with neighbor/friends for some trick or treating. Ky and his friend, Ricky got a reprieve, and were allowed to go at it ,sans parental units. We get a lot of kids bussed in, so our neighborhood has an amusement park feel. We went through four giant bags of costco candy! what?! Kid Two had fun with his pal Jessica and even got the bejeezus scared out of them by some big crazy chainsaw guy. Good laugh for the parents. Very  early the next morning, Kid Two took over all the great space in our bed and  then proceeded to sleep till 10am. All wrapped up, sideways and face down he slowly came to....nothing says fun like a halloween hangover!

We took the kids to a super cute local pumpkin patch. The fox corn maze was confusing(we are smart people. WTF happenend?!) and fun(more fun if they had served cocktails). Kid One and Kid Two are totally into anything military. While in the maze, Mark and I got "no scoped" and "noobed" by our children. Good clean fun is what we are into.   Thirty-six dollars  later we loaded our big beautiful pumpkins(3 of them...you do the math) into the car, and hit the road home. A nice little outing in our nice little town. Word.

I seriously had hair like this. No lie. Yearbookyourself.com. Super silly fun!

Last year at the pumpkin patch, Kid Two chose a spaghetti squash. He was very excited to cook and eat it. Well, the darn thing rotted before we could have our way with it. Kid Two, a.k.a "boy who forgets nothing" , has reminded me... incessantly, in the past year that we didn't get to eat our squash. Fast forward to today.... He spots the elusive squash amongst a pile of gourds at the grocery store. "Pleeeeeeease can we get one?" "Of course", I say. As we walk away, a brownish, lumpy squash catches his eye. "That's a meatball squash. I don't think I will like that one."  Yeah. That's probably some kind of food law anyway...

I've never had to use the PA system to find my "party".... until now. Why do they call it a party anyhow? Why not "group" or "friends" or " Mother who has lost her last iota of pateince waiting for you to get your little tushie over here RIGHT NOW" !  At 13, following your mother around Target gathering trivial things like paper plates and dental floss or social life killers like tampons and lip gloss is no picnic. He likes to break away. Fine. Usually he has his cell, so when I'm done I can let him know. You see where this is going? I have checked out, and I'm waiting. waiting. waiting. grrrrrrr. I know he's playing that video game and will continue to do so unless.....hmmm. Unless I have him paged from the heavens of Target. I have great confidence that he will be embarrassed just enough to please me. "ATTENTION TARGET SHOPPERS. WILL KID ONE PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE, YOUR PARTY IS WAITING, KID ONE PL

Breaker for life. We attended a wedding last evening in the quaint little town of Sanger. It was nice to meet some of Mark's family that, in 15 years, I hadn't yet been acquainted with. While the wedding was lovely, my personal stand out moment was my two sons rockin' the dance floor like no one was watching! Kid Two even broke out his brake dance moves. We had no idea?! After 45 mins. of shakin' our groove thangs, we said our goodbyes and loaded into the car. Here's what Kid Two had to say: K2: I really like to dance! Us: We could tell. K2: Did you know I could dance like that? Us: We had no Idea. (pause) K2: I wasted all my moves tonight. I gotta get some new ones. (car full of laughter)

15 years ago, to the month, Mark and I had our first date. He asked me to a UB 40 concert. Not only was I "not available", I wasn't sure I liked his overflow of confidence. That does not mean I didn't think he was totally hot! I said yes, and there began our life together. Last evening, we revisited that night, so many years ago, by going to see them again at the Gallo Center. An appearance by Maxi Priest was an unexpected surprise! That music brings me right back. The venue is very intimate, so our "5 from the stage" seats were fantastic! Thank you, Neighbor Michelle, for the heads up on them coming our way! Cherry Oh Baby! UB 40 with Maxi Priest performing Dance Until the Morning Light

Sooooo .....Kid One had an ortho appointment today. It was supposed to be a routine check-up. Much to our surprise, his Dr. said today was the day to be metal free. what?! What's the first thing he wanted? A caramel apple, of course. I'm afraid he looks even more like me. Not so great when your a boy.

Aye. Am I alone, floating in the boat, in the land of homework hell? Just wondering. Wanted to see if I needed to make friends with a volleyball or not.

One week in the can...wasn't as hard as I had predicted! We all adjusted well to the new schedule. Thank God...I was prepared to "Little House On The Prairie" it if not! Ha! kidding . Noah loves Kindergarten....a lot! Ky has had "the best year ever" so far. That changes daily if not hourly. At 13, I suppose, that is your prerogative. Making your parents feel like they fell down the rabbit hole.....? I don't remember getting that memo until I was 16/17. Anyhooooo....week two? The Salcido's are ready to rumble!

It's no secret that we are sleep connoisseurs. As I said in an earlier post, we take no time at all to begin the sleeping marathon. It started quite typical with the 9am stretch and yawn. That quickly became 10am. Here we are two days from the start of reality and we didn't shuffle sleepily(adverb! *wink*) to the coffee pot until 11am! *sigh* Who, but we, does this?! 6am Monday will feel like some kind of inhumane twisted torture for us all. Rude awakening, for sure.

This little five year old person I live with has the world all figured out. Here are some facts, according to him: 1. Sponge Bob Square Pants is real. How does he know this? Because he is on TV. 2. When you don't have any "dollars", just go to that "machine" and it will give you some. 3. The guy in the camera department at Target will also give you "dollars". 4. His baseball trophy is gold. Real gold . 5. Hamburger comes from a ham. (FYI...a ham is not a pig. That is an entirely different animal.) 6. Candy makes you big and strong. *will update as new facts come to light

While we were at recess at school Noah walked up to me with an announcement. Here's how the conversation went: Noah(all serious, and stuff): I speak duck. Me: Wow. You do? Noah: Yeah. You wanna hear me? Me: Okay. Noah(mouth twisted to the side): "Wack. Wack". (pause) You try. Me: Okay. "Wack Wack". Noah: See. You speak duck, too. All these years and I had no idea...