Life According to Me

It's Monday morning, and pouring sidways rain .... Noah: Do I have school today? Me:   Yes. It's Monday. Noah:   But it's raining . Me:   You still have school. Noah:   But it's raining ALOT . Me:   Good try....You still have school. Noah: (giant heavy sigh)   Okay...FINE.

Noah doesn't eat his lunch. Ever. Each morning he carries off his lunch sack to school. Each day it comes home exactly the same. He takes it on a little journey,  before it gets thrown away. Awww. how nice. I've tried to figure it out, questioning and threatening....it always ends in snot and tears. EPIPHANY. My dear friend points out....maybe he doesn't LIKE his sandwhich cut like a cute little pumpkin. When your a boy, and 6, this can set you up for ridicule on the playground. GASP. But it's sooooo cute?! I ask him in my best Mommy voice, "Does it embarrass you to have your sandwich shaped like a pumpkin"?  He takes in a long deep breath, "It's ruining my LIFE".  Big giant exhale....sad little face.... Well. There ya go. I've ruined his 6 year old little life with a pumpkin shaped,  peanut butter sandwich. There's another quarter in the therapy bucket.

My planning privileges have been revoked. It's Veteran's day. A day off in the middle of the week. Awesome, right?! I gently wake the kids from their slumber. I tell them the plan for the day over fresh warm donuts..."First we'll go to the Vietnam Vet memorial service,  then lunch at your favorite place, next, the parade and kettle corn.....Swine flu shots, followed by the movies and breakfast for dinner. I'm quite pleased with myself, choreographing such a fun filled day..... not so fas t. There is a brief pause then rolling laughter from my kids.  "Ahhh...you got us good, Mom. Riiiiight....swine flu shots." More laughter. In this exact moment, I realize I suffer  from premature self-congratulations. What Mom worth her weight in Lucky Charms plans...fun, fun,fun, SWINE FLU SHOTS THAT WILL HURT REALLY BAD AND MAKE YOU CRY FOR A HALF AN HOUR, fun, fun. Apparently, ME....Mother of The Year.

Thanks to a bunch of week old, totally brown, untouched bananas my children asked for,  you have magically appeared in my kitchen. A connoisseur of the fermentation process, you do not discriminate. Rotting bananas or my very nice glass of Sarah's Vineyard Chardonnay. While you are easily more annoying and mysterious than any little insect I can imagine, I cannot slight you for what you did.  If I were a tiny six legged thing about to off myself....I, too, would swan dive, elegantly into a giant glass of wine. So, kudos to you, disgusting little bug. I appreciate your style.