Life According to Me

Yesterday I saw a man walking his cat. At first, it didn't register that it was a cat on the leash. I picked it up visually like, man-leash-dog, THEN it clicked...CAT. I was in my car, driving, and not like driving in my neighborhood or the parking lot of Petsmart. I was downtown. I was at a traffic light and the man was walking towards me on the side walk. He would take a few steps, then lift the with cat with the leash and drag it up to meet him. You know...walking the cat. I couldn't help but think, "Is that cat really enjoying his walk?" I mean, he IS a cat. They kind of do whatever the heck they want and I doubt going for a walk is on the bucket list. I just couldn't imagine that when the man jingled the leash and said "Kitty Kitty...let's go for a walk!", that the cat got all crazy-tail-wagging-giddy and ran to the front door. I imagined that KittyKitty probably quietly spewed some fantastic curse words at the man and then hid under the couch.

Mark thinks I am the best  I would rather clean all of my neighbors toilets than fold my own laundry. It is my most despised chore. I'm a bad ass at the washing part, but matching socks and and figuring out the debacle that is the fitted sheet...totally painful. So, I wash and wash and wash, and what I end up with is a mountain of clothes that needs to be folded. Yesterday, I sat on the floor with my mountain in front of me. Folding suuuuuuucks. A few items in, I found a dollar. Under my breath I muttered,   finders keepers... Kid Two was nearby and came to investigate. He announced that, that may very well be his dollar. Too bad so sad, sucker. And in my disgruntled state, I told him that it was mine now because whoever folds the laundry gets to keep any money they find . An occupational bonus. Kid Two is fascinated by this. He wants to know if I've ever found a twenty. Totally...and fives and even a wad that equaled, like fifty bucks. He makes me an offer I can&