Life According to Me

Kid Two is playing soccer. On the first day of practice he had a question... Kid Two: What is my coaches name? Me: According to his voicemail message, his name is, Ulysses Valasques Chaves Padillo. Kid Two: Ummm...I think I'll just call him Coach. Well played, Kid.

Dear Mother Nature, Enough already. Thanks in advance, Super Over It In Cali

In the culinary world, knife skills are important. Kid One scares the crap out of me every time he practices his. So far, he still has all of his fingers. He has only messed with me on one occasion by pretending to slice off his knuckles. And...It was only on that one occasion because I lost my shizz screaming, "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!" Not funny. But I still think you are rad.❤

Everyday when the Hubs arrives home, he empties his pockets. The man needs a fanny pack...or a purse. It's rediculous. It's like I married George Costanza.

I visited my parents at their home this past weekend. It is the home I grew up in. My parents are totally Type A kind of people(see previous post as to what the holy heck happened to me??). They are so organized that their collection of stuff  kept in the garage over the past 40 plus years...is organized. It is seriously amazing.  I totes would like to protest that I didn't get at least 5% of that gene. My husband would settle for any of the laundry  portion of the gene... In an attempt to reduce and further organize, my parents have been cleaning out. Each time my brother or I visit, we are sent home with a box of stuff of ours they have saved up in the ridiculously tidy attic. This past weekend I was sent off with two boxes. The most awesome thing in them...practically every note every given to me in high school. Kid One was confused by what a "note" was and why I participated in such an archaic activity. First I had to remind him that I am old and that we didn'

Back to school is quickly approaching and totally wrecking my summer mojo. Those who know, know that every summer I whisk my family away from the oppressive heat and boredom of our little town and squat at my parents(xoxxo) lake house high in the sierras. My only real connection to reality is social media via my smart(this word is up for debate)phone and the clerk at the market. Late in July, I started seeing peeps exclaim, "Three Monday's till school starts!", and "School supply shopping, DONE." Holy heck, really?? I still don't know what freaking day of the week it is . I know I could completely benefit from that Type A kind of lifestyle. I'd have every one's closet organized by color and season, backpacks would be packed and waiting by the door, lunches made the night before, Kid Two would wear socks that match... Nope. Not gonna happen.  School begins in 12 days. There are no new backpacks, #2 pencils or glue sticks ...and Kid Two has evolved

Kid Two:  I want Tony Stark body wash. Me:  Umm...I don't think they make "Tony Stark" body wash. KT:  Yeah they do. I saw it at Target. Behold. "Tony Stark" Body Wash. I think it's Iron Man body wash, but whateves... It freaking lights up when opened. "Tony Stark" body wash is badass. The end.

So here's the thing. Kid One is an aspiring master of all things culinary. This is totally amazing.  We, and all who know him reap the benefits of his musings in the kitchen. He is talented and dedicated and just completely rad. Yay. Go Kid One. But... Is it really necessary to spend twenty dollars on ingredients for BBQ sauce and wind up with this epic( make me pull my hair out and scream obscenities quietly to myself ) mess? Damnit. I guess so, because it was totally delicious.  It took all of this... using all of these taking all of this time to make this to put on these. Apparently THIS is for amateurs  according to this guy.  ❤

My kids ask me all the time if they can get a coconut while we are at the grocery store. I always say no. Seriously...what the hell am I gonna do with a coconut? This last time we went, I caved. Or maybe my kids just finally broke me and I said yes. After hammering the crap out of it to get to it's...whatever, Kid Two looked at me and said, now what? Exactly. Now what. Then he added...thoughtfully, "Well. If one of us isn't feeling well, we can put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up?" Brilliant. I'll get the rum. Hey...if I'm going to "drink something up" it's going to be awesome.  And THAT, my friends, is a perfectly good use for a coconut...according my 9 year old. Coconut. Lime. (and rum) The end.

I was watering in the garden when I almost stuck my head in this...

I write a lot about my cat.   As a general rule, I do not like cats. But my little cat...well, he is awesome. He thinks he is better than me in every way, and seems to enjoy letting me know it. The other day when I arrived home from picking up Kid Two at school, I didn't get out of my car right away. Kid Two wanted to climb the tree in the front yard, and the cozy warmth of my car kept me planted. So...I played Angry Birds on my phone. A few minutes went by when I felt the car rock gently. EARTHQUAKE...wait...no(?) we don't have earthquakes. I looked up...Kid Two is still climbing the tree. But, directly in front of me sitting on the hood of my car was my cat, in all his judgemental glory.  You see that...It's his Silence of The Lambs face. Awesome . And creepy . It puts the lotion in the basket.