J-Popp

-

I don't watch television, much. Not because I'm some esoteric lofty thinking nut job. Rather, I'm impatient. If I want to feel enlightened, I'll read. If I'm going to sit for any period of time, idle, I want to feast my eyes upon something craptastic. Due to my hibernation, I've discovered guilty train wreck pleasure, du jour....Jersey Shore. Here's what I've deciphered so far....
I've learned all about Guidos and Guidettes and how to be one.
I now know the importance of GTL(gym, tan, laundry) and the reason for that order.
I don't ever want to be a "stage 5 clinger" or have a "stage 5 clinger".
It''s all about being the sweetest bitch ever....but making sure no one friggin' effs with me.
I realize the importance of a guido/guidette name and have dubbed myself "J-Popp".
I know whenever I go down to "creep" or "commit robberies" on the boardwalk, I should don my very best, Ed Hardy douche wear, and fist pump like a champ.
I know the difference between a grenade launcher,  a grenade and a cutie. Only one of those is a good thing.
I also realize, the little girl dream of a "fairy tale life with the white  picket fence" is ova'. It's been replaced by, "move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guido and live your life".
Pickles should be my new thing.
All I need is a poof and a guido with a blow out.

The crappy goodness of this show's like totally friggin' delicious. The End.

Comments

Kekepania said…
Oh My! Is it on DVD! No fair!!!!!!!!!Ever watch "Rock of Love" or "Flavor of Love"...This sounds far crappier and addicting!
1/19/2010
Jenn said…
mtv.com. You can watch full episodes. And yes, it's far crappier (I mean this in a good way) than Rock and Flavor of love!
;-)
1/19/2010
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Hit Snooze, Again

-
Do people hibernate? I'm convinced we do. Or I've just decided this is the reason for my wanting to stay under the covers and become a professional snoozer. The fact that I haven't seen the sun in 8 days and it hasn't been balmier than 45º has driven my inner bear-ness. I live in a cloud. Really. This town is officially a cloud. And not a pretty, billowy cumulonimbus cloud. More like a big, heavy, grey, damp blanket of a cloud. Blah. Wake me when it's spring....
Read more

Getting Ma'am ed

-
At the grocery store, the local coffee spot, by the Principal(who is clearly older than myself)...that one little ridiculously spelled word- ma'am . I know it's supposed to have an aura of respect, but it reeks of...well...chronological order! I can feel it coming, too. "GRANDE SKINNY VANILLA LATTE!!" shouted by some pierced barista. I look around, puzzled because I am the only one waiting.  "Guess that's me...thanks."  wait for it...wait for it ... "Have a nice day, ma'am"  And there it is. Thanks. Getting old sucks.
Read more

Honolulu?

-
I'm at the gym with my husband. It's nice to have a sidekick. He's running on the treadmill beside me. I glance over at him and notice two things;  One- He's far too close to the back of the machine. If he flies off and eats floor, I will probably pretend I don't know him. Two- He's holding his hands in a strange way. Like he's giving the hang loose sign....thumbs up, pinky's down...pumping away. In that moment it occurs to me... .th at looks weir d . He's got his headphones in and I can't get his attention to poke fun. Later that night he asks, did I look alright on the treadmill today. Awwww. Bless his sweet, hot little heart.  "Yeah. You looked good " I say, all full of kissy face innuendo. "But what's the deal with your hands?" I can actually see him running back the moment in his mind.  "Oh. My. GOD ." Says he, now visually disturbed at his recollection. "Yeah. I was thinking, what's up with tha
Read more